


sehnsucht

by Reign_of_Glory



Series: Forgiveness [4]
Category: Six - Marlow/Moss
Genre: Angst, Angst too, Christmas, Fluff, Gen, Rated teen for swearing, So yeah, Survivor Guilt, Unhappy Ending, comfort/hurt, communication!, if that is a thing?, this one does not end very happily but it will be resolved, unironic use of the word "wench", yes i wrote fluff in this series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:20:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28541697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reign_of_Glory/pseuds/Reign_of_Glory
Summary: Christmas is coming up, and the queens try to forget about past arguments - key word istry. They get past them, though, and they begin to bond in ways they might not have thought possible otherwise.
Series: Forgiveness [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1897090
Comments: 11
Kudos: 20





	sehnsucht

“Anna!”

Anna rolled over, burying her face in her pillow.

“Pssssst. Annaaaaaaa,” Catalina drawled, “wake uppppp.”

Anna grunted.

“I know you’re awaaaaaake.”

“No, I’m not,” Anna argued. 

“I’m waking up Anne, then,” said Catalina, nudging Anna’s shoulder. “I’ll do it anyway, but if you value my life…”

“What time even  _ is _ it?”

“Half two.”

Anna sat up groggily. “Goodness, Lina, just bother Anne and leave me  _ alone _ . It’s too early.”

“Not for Christmas!”

That alone jolted Anna out of her half-asleep state, and her eyebrows shot up to her hairline. “It’s hardly December!”

“Which means it’s high time we start celebrating. Come onnnn,” she grumbled, latching onto Anna and attempting to drag the fourth queen out of bed. “We need to make this magical for the others.”

“Why  _ us?” _

She saw Catalina’s silhouetted form shrug. “Because I want to, and Anne can bake, and you’re good with people. And, you know, we all are in the spirit!”

Anna chuckled, stretching and finally giving up on her struggle. She stumbled out of bed with a thud. “I’d say you’re the only one in the spirit.”

“Your colour is red. Anne’s colour is green. That’s plenty of Christmas spirit.”

The matter-of-factness in Catalina’s tone made her nearly snort in laughter, and she followed Catalina out of her room and up the stairs.

Catalina tapped on the door they could barely see in front of them, a quick rap of knocks that made Anna giggle. “I know you’re uppppp,” Catalina whispered, “open the dooooor-”

The door swung open and the duo stumbled in, met with an angry Anne. “It is  _ nearly three _ in the  _ morning, _ what do you  _ need?” _

“Merry Christmas!” Anna exclaimed, throwing out her arms and wiggling her hands. 

Catalina nodded fervently. 

Anne stared at them in utter horror. “It’s not even- What are you  _ doing?!” _

Catalina shut the door behind them, ushering Anna forward. “I had an idea,” she said, “and I’ll need both of you for it.”

~*~

The three of them were still conversing when a ray of sunlight broke across the horizon. Anna hadn’t kept track of how long they’d been speaking, but she noticed when she or Catalina opened their mouths in a yawn or when Anne’s eyelids began to droop. 

“Good morning,” Anna said drily. 

“It’s hardly a good morning. We were woken up at the prospect of Christmas gifts, venison, and wine, and we’ve only talked!” Anne threw her hands in the air dramatically.

“Well,” said Catalina tiredly, “it’s not like we can get fresh meat anymore. From what I hear-”

_ “It’s all preserved,” _ all three of them chorused sadly.

“Still, though!” Catalina offered a smile, a smile that was  _ way _ too bright for this early in the morning. “We’ll be prepared to give our family the best Christmas we can have.”

Anna nodded slowly. “I see where you’re coming from,” she said, “but really, couldn’t it have waited?”

“That’s so cheesy,” Anne groaned. 

“I knew at least one of you would be awake! Besides, we’re the only people who haven’t had any nightmares or otherwise bad things happen…”

_ Oh. _ A wave of numbness crashed over Anna, and she was suddenly aware of how tired she was. Catalina was doing this for the others, to make them feel better. She wasn’t so sure if this was the right thing to do for that, but she offered a small smile. “Yeah.”

“No. Absolutely not,” Anne argued, suddenly seeming wide awake. “I am  _ not _ buying gifts for Jane Seymour  _ or _ Catherine Parr.”

Anna fought back an eye-roll. “It’s just a sweet thing-”

_ “No.” _

“Fine, then,” Catalina grumbled, her previously good mood completely gone. “We’ll have to get Jane and Cathy an extra gift from us.”

“She doesn’t deserve it,” Anne mumbled. 

“Which one?” Catalina countered, her tone taking a dangerous edge.

Anne’s lips set into a firm line and Anna had to keep herself from laughing as her friend sputtered indignantly. “Yes! Both!”

The tiredness that radiated from Anne and Catalina was contagious - and  _ yes, _ Anna herself was exhausted, not that she’d admit it - and Anna’s lips curved into a weary smile as she watched her friends bicker. “Should we watch a film later?” she asked, grinning.

“Actually,” said Catalina, “I wanted to bake with Anne.”

_ “What!?” _

~*~

They’d gotten Jane, Katherine, and Cathy to leave the house, and Anna watched as Anne quickly transformed the kitchen into a baking superstation. “Anna, I trust you,” she said softly, “so I will tell you now: do  _ not _ let Catherine touch  _ anything _ hot. Or even the pans. Just… make sure she’s careful; she needs both of us watching her-”

“Have you no faith in me?” Catalina asked jokingly.

“Precisely,” Anne responded, her voice clipped as she slid across the tiled floor in her socks.

Anna got out the measures and the bowls. She preset the oven to 190, and taking a step back, she watched as Catalina hurriedly grabbed whisks and spatulas. “Will we need a flannel?” the Spaniard asked.

“With you in the kitchen, we will,” Anne retorted.

Anna stifled a giggle, biting her lip to keep from doubling over in laughter as she walked towards the others. “Where’s the recipe?”

“On my phone,” Anne responded, “although I could write it out.”

Anna glanced at Catalina, who met her gaze with a troubled smirk. “That would be preferred,” Catalina said.

“Shouldn’t we make more than one type?” Anna asked, folding her arms across her chest. “After all, I would get bored of only one type of bis-”

_ “Relax,” _ Anne said, hushing her. “I have this under control.”

Anna couldn’t help but feel slighted. After all, she knew plenty about baking. She was the second-best cook in the house, second in prowess only to Jane, who made  _ pretty _ food and uploaded it to Instachat or whatever social media she used.

Anna was an amazing cook. She had an instinct for what went where. She could put a dash of pepper into a dish that didn’t call for it and make it taste even better.

She knew how Anne was in the kitchen, though, from the brownie incident. Anna knew she wouldn’t be allowed to play with the recipe at all.

A sharp pull tugged at her heart, and she turned away from the still-bickering others and sighed. She’d loved her independence. Now, she loved her family - but she  _ couldn’t _ be independent from them, no matter how hard she tried.

~*~

**_ Katze: _ ** hey were coming home so jsut checking did u need egs or no

**_ Me: _ ** Nah, we’ve got some - can you get me a Coke though?

**_ Katze: _ ** sure thing <3

**_ Me: _ ** Thx babes

~*~

Anna shot up from the couch when the door swung open with a clang. Cathy stood in front of the door, holding it out for Kit and Jane to walk through as they carried their weight in grocery bags. Almost immediately, Kit sidled up to Anna, grinning a devious grin as her bags bounced against her legs. “What are you getting me for Christmasssss,” the teenager said, blinking up at her. It was hardly even a question, Anna thought, and more of a demand.

Rolling her eyes fondly, she took one of the bags from Kit’s icy hands and chuckled. “Nothing, if you keep asking like that,” she responded with a smirk, searching through the bag until she found a Coca-cola. “Thanks,” she said, surprised Kit had even remembered. The girl tended to be a bit flighty in terms of memory.

Katherine flashed her a grin. “You are  _ welcome,” _ she said, and she then proceeded to flop lazily on the couch. “Football? I’ll take it.”

Anna laughed, shaking her head and taking Kit’s findings to the kitchen, where Jane was already beginning to sort through them with record speed. If Anna had to say it aloud, she was quite sure she would admit that having Jane with them was a blessing. There was something about her that was calming, helpful, and although she knew Jane didn’t know how to be anything else, it was still so much.

“What are we making next?” Jane asked, gaze still trained on the ingredients she was setting out.

“Well,” said Anna, “I wanted to make a Donauwelle, and that’s why we have the chocolate over here. If we could start with that, maybe…”

Katherine glanced up from where she still lay on the couch, and she shoved her upright thumb in the air. “Sounds good to me. Can I help?”

Silence.

Anna glanced at Anne, who shrugged, and then she shot a look at Jane, who seemed horrified. 

“Sure,” Anne said, not even bothering to consult the others. “In fact, let’s make this family bonding time.”

Anna swallowed, sighing as she began to pull out a few whisks. “...yes.” Her tone was clipped. “What she said.”

Katherine leapt from the couch like a rocket, her feet slamming onto the ground, and she began to fall - but Catalina managed to catch her with a sigh, pushing her towards the kitchen as she followed. “Cathy,  _ mija, _ come on. It’ll be fine, I promise.”

Anna glanced around the room to see no sign of Cathy, and upon voicing her confusion, she saw a small head of curls pop out from behind the stairs. “You sure?” Cathy asked worriedly.

Catalina’s expression softened. “Of course, love, come on.”

Cathy scurried down the stairs, hands in her hoodie’s pocket, and she nearly tripped down the last one before sliding into the kitchen. “Okay,” she said softly, “what do you want me to do?”

~*~

Anna found she was very good at mixing. She had the patience for it, after all, and she tended to avoid spills.  _ However, _ because this was  _ family bonding time _ , Jane was mixing dry ingredients, and Anna found herself with a bowl of unbeaten eggs in hand.

She began to whisk them, sighing as she watched Cathy fiddle with the oven the best she could, and she grimaced. This was bound to be a disaster,  _ bound to be awful. _

The cake would be delicious; this was what she was certain of. The road to make it? Not so much.

Finally, the eggs looked reasonably beaten, and Anna set down the bowl, massaging her aching arm as she stared at the television. The match was nearly over. “They’re still winning,” she mused, but it seemed no one heard her. 

Leaning on the counter, Anna made herself at ease for a few moments, choosing to ignore the Kitchen Police and the chaos with the flour - wait, chaos with the flour?

A shriek broke through her peace.

Spinning around, Anna came face-to-face with a confused Jane and a very,  _ very _ angry Anne.

“Can’t you be careful for  _ once!? _ ” the powdered woman - oh,  _ fuck _ \- shouted, making Kit flinch and back away. Anna watched, horrified, as the youngest of the six ducked out of the kitchen in a hurry, hugging herself as she ran.

“Apparently not,” Jane responded, her voice dangerously low. 

Goodness gracious, could these two not fight for  _ one day? _

“Well, you should at least try! Look at this mess you’ve made!”

(Anna thought it would be more productive to clean it up, and her nails scratched the marbled counter agitatedly).

“The mess  _ I _ made? You were in my way!”

“Bullshit!”

Anna lifted herself up to sit on the counter, rolling her eyes. This was so  _ petty. _ She almost wanted to run away and take a day for herself to avoid this stupid,  _ stupid _ fight, but for some reason, she felt as if she might as well stay. Stay to help or to be entertained, she wasn’t quite sure, but she would stay nonetheless.

She heard a muffled laugh and was surprised to see Catalina covering her mouth and glancing away when she realised Anna was looking.

“Stop  _ fucking _ laughing! It’s not funny, not at all! This  _ wretched _ excuse of a woman spilt flour  _ all over me!” _ Anne’s voice echoed around the room, and Catalina’s laughs grew louder as she failed to keep them stifled.

“Language,” Anna chided drily, leaning back on her hands nonchalantly as Anne whirled on her.

Cathy’s laughter drowned out Anne’s sputtering, and with a hiss of fury, the second queen stormed out of the kitchen, fuming. 

“Well,” Anna said, “that was eventful.”

The others nodded, although Cathy and Jane did look moderately shaken by everything that had transpired.

The slight buzz of excitement still rushed through her, and Anna felt another pang of resentment. It was so  _ boring _ here. She hardly had any freedom, and she still felt the need to stay. She  _ did _ love her family… there were just so many other factors.

Taking a bottle of water from the counter, Anna slid off and began to make her way towards the television. Her Donauwelle could wait, she decided as she flopped wearily on the couch. For now, she needed some relaxation, and this relaxation did  _ not _ include cleaning up Jane’s mess.

~*~

The bitter chill of the wind seeped into Anna’s skin as she pulled her coat closer to her, shivering. Her feet tapped against the pavement as she hurried along, two bags in hand. Inside was a bag of flour - and a few treats for herself, but none of the others needed to know about that. 

She ran up the drive and into the house, dropping the bags in the entrance of the house and slipping her coat onto the coat rack. Her heart pounded and a shiver ran up her spine. 

Oh.

“Hey, is the power out?” Anna called, blinking as she shut the door. The darkness stared back at her.

“No shit, Sherlock,” someone called back.

“All right!” Catalina’s voice echoed around the house. Warmth stirred in Anna at that - even when she couldn’t take control, Catalina could. “Who did this?”

Katherine would have known that this was a science thing, but from what Anna could tell, no one was daring to speak upstairs. After all, the unknown was scarier than many things, and a single word could set everything off. 

A single word could do anything.

Finally, more than a single word cut through the tightly-stretched silence; rather, it was a full sentence: “It’s the wench’s fault!”

Anna heard more shuffling from upstairs, and tentatively, she pulled off her boots before clambering up to the first floor, where she nearly ran straight into a nearly doubled-over Katherine. Thankfully, the teenager was doubling over in her attempts not to laugh, and Anna dodged around her before a louder voice broke through the silence.

“Who are you calling a  _ wench _ , Boleyn!?”

Anna groaned.

“You, of course, Mistress Seymour!” Anne hissed back. “You’re the one who tripped over the stairs!”

Katherine’s shaky hand found Anna’s, and the fourth queen squeezed her friend’s hand in a way she hoped was comforting.

“I didn’t- I tripped because I’m a  _ klutz!” _

“And it was your klutziness that caused this!”

“Anne, I don’t know if that’s a wo-”

“Catherine Parr, shut up.”

“No, you!”

The argument turned into reasonless clamour, and Anna turned to see Katherine blinking slowly, trying to keep her tears at bay as she backed away. Glaring at the three arguing queens, she began to drag her friend away from the drama right as she heard Catalina attempt to grab their attention.

“Ladies! Ladies! Calm  _ down,  _ I’m sure there’s a reasonable answer to this!”

“Jane’s fucking idiocy is what cau-”

“I swear it’s n-!”

“QUIET!”

Anna slipped her arm around the now-sniffling Kit and slowly led her down the stairs, away from the argument and the anxieties that came with it. “Katze, let’s go to your room, okay?” she said gently, guiding the girl down.

Katherine only nodded slowly in response, and after she was safely wrapped in a bundle of blankets, Anna ducked out, slipping her coat and boots on once again as she heard the argument spark up again.

Her feet hit the pavement once more, this time seeming slightly nostalgic, and she began to roam the streets once again, thankful they lived not too far from most places. The cold bit into her skin, and she sighed to herself, not noticing the figure behind her.

It was only when she reached a pub that she knew she would be fine. She would be allowed a moment of rest, a moment of clarity. A break from this calamity.

Anna ordered a drink and sat at the bar, sighing to herself as she tried to detach herself from everything, but a familiar touch graced her shoulder. 

“Hey,” said the very small voice of Catherine Parr.

Spinning around in her chair, Anna didn’t even bother to stop her eyebrows from raising. “Well,” she said, “what brings you here?” She patted the chair next to her, smiling warily up at Cathy.

“Was wondering if you were okay,” Cathy mumbled. “And I needed to get away, too.”

Cathy sat next to her, ordered herself a drink, and rested her chin on her hands with a sigh. Anna met her gaze tiredly, and once her drink was set in front of her, she gave a single, “Thank you,” before bringing the glass to her lips. 

She turned to Cathy after swallowing and setting the glass down. “I’ll be okay, I think,” Anna said tightly. “What’s bothering  _ you?” _

Cathy flinched, and Anna had to wonder if her voice had possessed any contempt. She never  _ meant _ to sound upset, worried, hurt… No, Anna only tried to sound positive or neutral,  _ maybe _ tired if it happened to be a bad day. 

This was more than a bad day. The past events had turned into bad  _ months _ , and Anna was so tired of it. It was the same thing, over and over again. Kit and Jane having nightmares, Anne avoiding everyone, the kitchen disasters caused by Cathy and Catalina… there was no peace, no quiet, no time for Anna to chill.

It wasn’t even the chilling she felt she  _ needed;  _ rather, it was a sense of stability that she missed. 

“Everything,” Cathy said, drumming her fingers on the table. “It’s just been a crazy few months… And then Christmas coming up…” She shrugged. “I miss when things were easier.”

Anna scoffed. “Don’t we all?” she asked, taking another sip. “I miss being able to do whatever I wished, for the most part, without consequence.”  _ (You weren’t able to do what you REALLY wanted). _ “I miss being able to sit back and relax without worrying about an argument.”  _ (But you had to deal with being quiet, not talking, just so you kept your head (so did Cathy)). _ “I miss just being able to exist.”

“Oh my goodness,” Cathy said in response. “Same!”

A woman passing by gave her a weird look, and Cathy ducked her head sheepishly. “Yeah,” she said. “I miss just… being able to read without feeling someone’s angry gaze on my neck. Like, don’t get me wrong - I prefer this life to our old one, hands down, I just… I feel alone.”

“You long for some things from then,” Anna said.

“Yeah,” said Cathy, “but I’m not really sure what.”

Anna nursed her drink, watching as Cathy’s was placed on the table. Finally, she sighed. 

_ "Sehnsucht," _ she said as she tilted her head to gaze towards the ceiling, biting her lower lip as she slowly turned to face Cathy. "It means... well, I don't have a way to explain it, I don't think." She ran a hand through her hair, thoughts racing in her head, and she shrugged. "It's what I feel, and what I think you feel, too. Homesick. Nostalgic. Wistful for what might have been or what once was."

Cathy raised an eyebrow as Anna racked her brain for more words. "Why?" asked the writer, drumming her fingers against her mug.

Anna took a sip of her drink, relishing in the memories that assaulted her, knowing any other time, she would hate to remember, but now, it was the best part of her day. "Because you ask that very question," Anna responded. "Catalina tends to ask 'what', and so does Jane. Anne asks 'how'. Katze asks me 'when'. 'When will we get there?' she asks sometimes, annoyingly. But you? You ask  _ why _ just as I do, which is arguably the most important question to ask." Knowing she had Cathy's attention, she continued, setting her mug down with a clang that was barely audible over the clamouring in the background. "'Why couldn't I have done anything?' I ask myself late at night - and I know you do the same, Cathy. 'Why did I leave her there,' I ask, 'because I knew what would happen?' I assume you wonder the same things about Elizabeth, and you long for what could have been, what you could have done.  _ Sehnsucht _ . A longing for things you cannot have, wishings of things you could not have done. Wishes of things that could have been had there been a different turn of events. You and I ask ourselves about these a lot - and you’ve been beating yourself up about it."

Cathy met her with silence, but thankfully, silence was something Anna was well versed in. She set down her glass after drinking nearly half, and with a worried frown, she met Anna’s gaze. “And you have not?” she countered.

Anna felt her lips draw into the beginnings of a frown, and she chuckled. “That’s irrele-”

“It’s really not, Anna,” Cathy said, her voice soft. “I don’t want you hurting any more than I have been. There was hardly anything you could do - and I don’t think she would have listened, anyway. Or she wouldn’t have been able to. Not with the way her family were. Anna, she was so strong-willed, so  _ optimistic -  _ she couldn’t have known, and neither could you.”

“But I-”

“No buts,” Cathy said, suddenly sounding far more confident than she had since the 7th of September. “Listen to me. If I couldn’t have helped what happened with… with Lizzie… then you couldn’t have helped what happened with Kat. Yes, the situations were different - I couldn’t do anything because I was pregnant and scared and a  _ woman, _ and you couldn't do anything out of ignorance, but the sentiment is the same: we feel remorse for what happened, and we would do anything to change it now that we think of other things. Right?”

“...right.”

“And I think it is the sentiment that matters more, at least now that we cannot change anything. If we could change the past, I’m certain none of us would be here right now, and all of our fates would have been different.” Cathy offered a small smile, a hopeful one, and she placed a hand on Anna’s. “But things happen the way they do for a reason. God has a plan, and everything… Despite what we might think, it was all part of His plan.”

Anna felt her head moving up and down before she registered that she was nodding. “You do have a point,” she said, and she watched as Cathy’s tentative smile turned into a smug grin.

“Of course I do,” said Cathy warmly, draining her glass and setting the now-empty cup on the counter. “I’m supposed to be the smart one.”

“Supposed to be?” Anna asked, suddenly feeling as if she’d had enough to drink. “As if you’re not?”

Cathy shrugged, still smirking. “Well, we’re all painted in pretty shitty ways, to be honest. They make that, like, my  _ only _ trait - all of us are smart.”

Anna couldn’t argue with that. In fact, she nodded once again. “I guess,” she agreed. 

“Now, come on. Stop moping. Let’s go back home,” Cathy said, standing and offering her hand. Anna took it, rising from her seat and dropping some cash on the counter with a small, “Keep the change,” uttered as she followed Cathy out of the pub and back into the frigid winter.

By the time she set foot in the house, she noticed how Catalina was reading with Kit and how Jane and Anne were  _ surprisingly _ not arguing - rather, they seemed to be playing Battleship, and they were  _ laughing. _

Something in the atmosphere had changed while Anna and Cathy were away, and while she wasn’t quite sure what had changed, she was certain it was a  _ good _ change.

She just hoped it would last.

~*~

It wasn’t even a week later when Anna heard the sounds of muffled sobs in the room next door. With a sigh, she immediately set down her book, and she stepped into the hallway to ready herself to console Catalina.

Now, nobody knew how to properly console anyone except maybe Katherine. Anna felt she had a feel of what made Jane feel better, and she understood that sometimes, Anne just wanted a hug, but she was absolutely lost on Catalina.

Still, she hated to see her friend upset, and she knocked softly on Catalina’s door with a shaky smile resting on her lips. “Lina?”

The crying stopped abruptly, and Anna slipped her hands in her pockets, shifting on her feet until she heard the door click and saw the handle move. She found herself face-to-face with a bedraggled Catalina, and she shuffled into the room as Catalina swiftly shut the door behind her. “Did you need anything?” the first queen mumbled. 

“I needed to check on you,” Anna offered, placing a hand on Catalina’s. “What… what were you thinking about, Lina?”

Catalina shrugged, glancing away from Anna the second tears began to pool in her eyes once more. “My daughter,” she said tightly. “I loved her so, so much. I miss her.”

Oh.

_ Mary. _

A sudden longing gripped Anna’s heart, and she wished the wind hadn’t been knocked out of her. “Oh, Lina,” she murmured, “I loved her, too.”

“You did?” Catalina asked, her voice thick with unshed tears. 

“I did,” Anna confirmed, squeezing her eyes shut. “I really did.” Something sparked in her memory, a sight nearly forgotten, and she felt herself give a shaky smile as she backed towards the door. “In fact,” she said, “I have something for you. Wait here.”

With that, she scurried out.

The item took her only a few moments to grab, and upon flipping through the book's pages, she felt a sad smile cross her lips as a wave of nostalgia rushed over her. She took a careful moment to stare at the face that was reflected on the paper, and with a steadying breath, she opened Catalina’s door after stumbling down the stairs. "You said you miss her," she said softly, not meeting Catalina's gaze. "I did, too. So... Here."

Closing the book and giving it to Catalina, she watched as her friend took it, leafing through the pages until she gasped. "Is that..." She glanced up at Anna, hope shining in her gaze, and Anna returned her sad smile. "Anna, did you... is that her?"

Nodding, Anna sat on the bed next to Catalina, feeling the mattress dip beneath her weight. "It is," she whispered, "it most certainly is."

Propping the book open, Catalina's lips curled into a tiny smile, and Anna swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. She'd thought she had done all the mourning she could, but apparently, she had been wrong. So many emotions flooded through her that she didn't even know  _ what _ she was feeling, and she placed a hand on Catalina's when the Spaniard finally spoke.

"She's beautiful," Catalina said, tracing her daughter's face as she smiled sadly.

Anna nodded, choking back a sob before answering with a brutal sort of honesty that you only realised when you were about to break down under a sea of emotions. "She was," she agreed. "She really was..." Her voice cracked, and she wrapped an arm around Catalina, pulling her friend close. Blinking back tears, she stared at the ceiling, determined not to cry, and she began to ramble. "She was amazing, you have to know that. No matter what people say about her now, she was amazing. She was so smart, so regal... she would have made you proud."

“I  _ am _ proud of her,” Catalina said confidently, clutching the sketch to her chest. “I am. She’s my daughter, after all.”

Smiling, Anna began to stand, a sudden emptiness gaping inside her that she ached to fill. “Are you okay… do you want to keep that?”

Catalina nodded. “If I can... Please?”

“Of course,” Anna answered, “I think you need it more.”

And with that, she left, only letting the tears flow once she was back in her own room with a shut and locked door.

~*~

A gentle rap sounded at Anna’s door a few days later, and she raced out of her room, nearly trampling a disgruntled Katherine in the process. 

“That was my sock!” the teenager grunted, “my  _ favourite _ sock!!!”

Anna shrugged, chuckling. “You know I didn’t mean to,” she said.

“Well, if you do it again,” Katherine warned, wagging a finger at her, “I’ll trade with Cathy and you won’t be going Christmas shopping with me.”

Anna faked a gasp, ignoring the odd sense of diluted terror that began to nag at her insides, and she grinned. “I’ll be on my best behaviour, m’lady,” she said jokingly, earning a smile from the teenager.

“Good.”

~*~

“Cathy, Anne, stick with me,” Catalina said, her voice strong as she manoeuvred around cars in the car park. “Anna, you’ll take Jane and Kat, right?”

Anna nodded, already having an arm around the latter of the two Catalina had asked to go with her. “We’ll be fine,” she said, shooting a tired smile at Jane. “Meet back here at four?”

“Three,” Catalina corrected her, and Anna nodded.

“That sounds good to me.”

Anna set off, Jane and Katherine right behind her, and she began to scour the shopping area for anything useful. The air carried a slight chill even as they entered the building, and Anna pulled her coat tighter, slipping her hands into her pockets. “Is there anything you think Cathy would like?” she asked. “I was thinking of a thesaurus and maybe a subscription to Grammarly, but if we can find anything good here…”

Katherine was silent, glancing at her shoes to ponder, and Jane piped up. “Perhaps a book on how to use an oven?” she joked.

The trio laughed, and Anna watched as the two women she was with relaxed. Jane’s walk seemed less of a shuffle, and Katherine slowly set her shoulders back, no longer seeming as hunched over. They were comfortable.

(She was, too).

~*~

At four in the afternoon, the sextet met together, their arms full of goodies and groceries as they headed to the car.

No one’s face went without a smile, and after she buckled her seat belt, Anna pulled out her phone and smiled at it.

A strange temptation pulled at her, a temptation to mention the conversation she and Jane had had to the others - Katherine had partaken in the dialogue, too, but it had been meant for Jane, who hadn’t had any idea of it.

Anna was fairly certain Jane had anxiety. 

Of course, there was nothing as certain as a diagnosis, but from what Kit had whispered to her and what she’d seen - Jane’s restless fidgeting, her worry baking, the intrusive thoughts and excessive fear that something would go wrong. 

So, of course, Anna and Kit had brought up the idea of buying a few books from a bookstore before they left the shops - and they had even suggested she see a doctor. Jane had taken the ideas in stride, nodding and basically saying, “okay, whatever, here goes,” before they headed to the only bookshop nearby.

Anna kept her lips sealed, though, and she glanced around the car. She was seated in the second row, next to Cathy, and Jane and Katherine sat in the back. Anne begrudgingly held a map in her hands as she leaned against the passenger side’s window, and Catalina had her eyes on the road, occasionally asking which turn to take, to which Anne would give a tired response.

Really, the entire thing was quite mundane. Nothing exciting was happening, and although a slight sense of boredom tingled in Anna’s bones, relief almost certainly overpowered it. With a smile playing on her lips, she went limp in the chair, feeling her muscles relax. 

She had no need to mediate. 

~*~

The household was mostly quiet for the next few days save for the incessant (but welcome) ramblings of a tired but happy Cathy, who seemed glad to be accepted (for the most part) in her home once again. Anna found she couldn’t even go around a corner without Cathy tagging along, but she also found she was slightly fond of it and didn’t really mind.

Catalina also talked more, her topics of choice ranging anywhere from whatever Jane was watching on the television to her daughter to the weather and so on. 

The most fun was found in the card games at night, and even then, Anna couldn’t help but notice a layer of tension choking the air around her. 

Well, she supposed that not everything could be perfect. 

On this day, however, she leant against the wall, staring ahead of her. Any onlooker might have thought she was searching for something, but that was not the case - she was thinking.

She pulled out her phone, her mind whirring, and she stared at her lock screen as thoughts ran through her head.

Despite drawing back from the drama, Anna still watched things.

She watched as Anne and Jane fought over who might comfort Katherine after a nightmare (it usually ended up with Jane doing the comforting after Anne made it worse).

She watched as Catalina broke down at night, and she chose to comfort her friend when Anne and Jane were too busy arguing, Cathy was fast asleep, and Katherine was breaking down again.

Anna watched as Cathy nearly blew up something in the kitchen, but she did nothing to help, opting instead to look away because it was none of her business.

And she watched as Anne trudged down the stairs, glowering, and knocked on Cathy's door.

Anna had been about to check on her newfound friend, but, intrigued, she leant back on the wall and pretended to scroll through her phone, raising her eyebrows as if she'd just received a  _ very _ interesting direct message from someone.

The door opened. 

Anna opened Instagram.

"What else do you want from me?" Cathy snapped, her voice thick with sleep.

"Well," Anne said, her voice far quieter than usual. "It's not necessarily something I want from you, although I suppose you could answer a few questions for me. Rather, it's something I thought was far overdue."

"Then can you just get to the point?" asked Cathy, her voice shaky. It took all of Anna's willpower to keep "scrolling" instead of standing by her friend.

"I..." A shaky, hesitant breath. "I'm sorry."

Anna glanced up to see Anne hanging her head and Cathy's eyes as wide as saucers. "What for, exactly?" the sixth queen prompted.

"Er- I'm sorry for not listening to anything you tried to say. I needed time, but it was stupid. And, well, I'm sorry for the things I said... I still don't forgive you for what happened, but I... Well, there's not much I could have done in your situation, and  _ nothing _ I was able to do in mine... so I accept your previous apology, and I'm sorry for not doing so sooner," Anne stammered out. 

Cathy folded her hands in front of her, neither of them meeting the other’s gaze. “Thanks, I guess,” she said softly. 

“Ah, well, you’re welcome,” Anne mumbled, “I… bye?”

Anne spun back around to face the stairs and scurried up them, seemingly embarrassed, and Cathy turned to meet Anna’s gaze. “Oh,” she said. “Hi.”

Anna nodded. “Hi,” she said before she left, backing away as if she hadn’t seen anything at all.

~*~

“Hey, Anna?”

Anna lifted her gaze, shutting her book and walking to the kitchen. There, Catalina stood, decked out in an ugly Christmas sweater and a devious grin playing on her lips. 

“Would you be a dear,” Catalina said, and Anna internally swore because  _ oh no _ , “and help me convince Cathy that she needs to go to sleep?” 

Gulping, Anna nodded. “Er- sure?” she replied warily.

Catalina’s grin widened. “Great,” she said. “Now come on.” She reached for Anna’s wrist and immediately began to pull her up the stairs, and Anna sighed as Catalina shoved open Cathy’s door.

“Cathhhhhhh,” she said excitedly. “It’s time to go to sleep.”

Cathy stood, her cocoon of blankets falling to the ground as she dropped her phone in it, stepping over the newly-formed barrier and folding her arms over her chest. “It’s half ten,” she retorted. “Besides,” she added, “I’m an adult.”

“St Nick is coming,” said a new voice. “Jane, Kitty, and I know for certain, and I take it Catherine and Anna do, too - but he won’t visit us unless we’re  _ all _ asleep.”

Anna shot a grateful glance at Anne, and in return, she noticed a small smile form on the second queen’s lips before Cathy scoffed. “You believe that child’s tale?” the sixth queen asked.

Anne nodded. “Why not?” she countered, and Anna offered a small nod and shrugged. “It’s not been disproven,” Anne added. “Besides, Cathy, you can’t live on only caffeine forever. Some sleep would probably be useful.”

Cathy rolled her eyes. “Hypocrite,” she said, but as Anna watched something shift in her gaze, she could tell Cathy had relented. “Fine,” she said, “but only for tonight.”

As Cathy shut her door, Anna glanced at Catalina and then to Anne, and she found that all three of them had the same sparkle shining in their eyes: pure, unadulterated glee.

“Let’s get the others to bed,” Catalina said with a devious grin on her lips, and the other two nodded giddily. 

“Of course.”

~*~

After convincing the other two queens to go to sleep, Anna, Anne, and Catalina got to work.

None of them had stuck to the original plan, choosing to buy gifts for everyone - Catalina laughed when she noticed, and she was quickly shushed by Anne. Still, they each marvelled over the gifts each other had chosen - but they didn’t look at their own gifts. That would have been cheating.

_ To Jane, _ Anna wrote on one gift tag, sticking it on a wrapped set of headphones.  _ From St Nick. _ She gently tossed the package underneath the small spruce tree that helped adorn the room. 

It took them until nearly one in the morning to finish decorating, and after treating a paper cut, Anna smiled. “I think we’re finished,” she said warmly, gazing around the room in awe. 

“Merry Christmas,” said Anne drily. 

Anna bit back a chuckle. “Sleep well, Lina.” She paused, watching as both of the other queens began to make their way up the stairs. “Sleep well, Anne.”

Anne stopped abruptly, twisting back to stare at Anna in awe, and Catalina only just avoided barrelling straight into her. “Thanks,” she said, and at the same moment, Catalina mumbled, “You, too.”

With a smile on her lips and warmth bubbling in her heart, Anna stumbled up the stairs after the two before her. She managed to close the door to her room before she chuckled lightheartedly, and as she crawled into bed, she felt her consciousness beginning to slip away.

For once, she welcomed it.

~*~

_ “Cathy!! St Nick came!! Annie!! Everyone!! Wake up!!” _

Katherine’s excited shouts reverberated around the house. Anna rolled over, slipping her pillow over her head, and she groaned. How early  _ was _ it? The earliness of this morning was likely magnified by the hour she’d actually gone to sleep, but Anna ignored the back of her mind and attempted to fall back to sleep.

Still, the thud of Cathy’s door opening forced her to sit upright, and stretching, she made her way to her door.

The mere second she opened it, the youngest of the six was bouncing on her feet, ready to greet her. “Anna!” Katherine exclaimed. “Anne was right!”

Anna pulled the teenager close, chuckling when she heard Anne mutter, “Why would I be wrong?”, and she ruffled the girl’s hair. “Happy Christmas,” she said warmly, her voice still thick with sleep.

“Oh!” Katherine leaned into the hug, a grin on her lips. “Yes, a happy Christmas to you, too,” she said.

“Come on,” Jane said from downstairs, beginning to trod up the steps. “Let’s see what we’ve got.”

The four queens who were upstairs - for Catalina was already in the kitchen, or so it seemed from the stream of angry Spanish that had sounded after a clang - hurried down, nearly tripping and tumbling over one another before they reached the bottom. Finally, they came to an abrupt halt, and Cathy held her arm out to stop any unfortunate soul who may have been wearing socks.

“Whoa,” Cathy said, astonished.

Anna thought, for a moment, that she noticed pride shining in Anne’s gaze, and she was tempted to chide her for how obvious she was before Cathy let out an excited gasp.

“Is that for me?” she asked, raising a hand to her mouth in surprise.

Lo and behold, Catalina jerked her hands away to reveal a brand-new coffee machine (and probably a shattered mug on the floor if Anna’s assumption was correct). “It’s for us,  _ mija _ , not just you,” Catalina said, blowing on her finger, “but of course, you can use it.”

Cathy’s entire face lit up, and she made a beeline for the coffee machine before Kit noticed the tree. “Oh my gosh,” she said, making a run for it as Anna reached for her - only to end up stumbling after her.

Jane tentatively followed, and Anne grabbed Catalina’s wrist, mumbling something to the first queen before dragging her into the lounge. 

Anna reached for the first gift, and handing it to Jane, she smiled.

“You first,” she said with a grin.

~*~

“Catherine!”

An angry shout resonated down the stairs, and Anna watched in horror as three heads snapped up and furious footsteps sounded from the stairwell.

“Which one?!” a terrified Katherine shouted back.

There was a disgruntled noise of anger, and Anna felt something shift inside her as the C/Katherines glanced at each other worriedly.

“Trastamara!” Anne elaborated, storming down into the lounge. “It’s the- What- Why did I find  **_ this _ ** -” She held up a book that was all too familiar. “-in your room!?”

Catalina shrugged, her brow furrowed in apparent confusion. “Why were you going through my things?” she deadpanned.

Anna’s stomach tightened. She watched as Cathy and Kit scrambled off to Jane’s room and shut the door behind them, and she drew her knees to her chest, unsure of what to do. This was her fault, wasn’t it? She needed to fix this, but  _ how? _

“That’s irrelevant!” Anne snapped. “You don’t just take someone’s personal property. What if I’d put my phone password or something in there?” She took a step closer.

“Then I would have been responsible… Perhaps I would have used a streaming app or something - but,” Catalina said, any and all hints of humour suddenly erased from her tone, “in all honesty, I didn’t kn-”

“I let her borrow it,” Anna interrupted. Part of her screamed, reeling at the sudden confession. Why had she done this? Any of it!? She was putting herself (and Catalina) in danger! “It was me. Blame me.”

(She really couldn’t put herself first, could she?)

The fury in Anne’s gaze shifted into something else, something completely recognisable (of course, for Anna saw it every day in the mirror), and Anna’s heart sank. This was what she’d been trying to prevent. Why couldn’t she prevent the things she wanted to!? Why couldn’t she  _ help? _

“I trusted you.”

Something stabbed Anna - once in her chest, and then almost immediately in her lip, right where she was biting it. 

“I trusted you,” Anne said again, as if the words hadn’t registered with her the first time. Each syllable was a separate serrated blow to Anna’s heart, and she found herself staring at the ceiling with an odd burning behind her eyes, a burning she couldn’t really stop. “Out of a- No, I don’t want to know why…” As Anne’s wavering voice trailed off, a heavy silence hung in the room. Anna knew she would have to break it, but as she searched her mind for answers, she couldn’t pick out a single one.

Finally, Catalina punctured the silence as if it were a balloon and she held a needle. “...I’ll go.”

She left quickly, her brisk steps the only noise interrupting the otherwise deafening silence.

“I’m sorry,” Anna whispered, forcing the words out although it pained her to speak.

“I know,” Anne said. “And I know you had your reasons - you always do.” She hesitated and chuckled a dry laugh before continuing, sticking her hands in her pockets and moving closer to Anna. “But that doesn’t justify it.”

And then  _ she _ left, and Anna sat there all alone with only silence to be her friend.

**Author's Note:**

> yes i promise she gets her donauwelle at some point ;-) and i do apologise for that ending <3
> 
> feel free to yell at me at my [tumblr!](https://theleastrelevantkatherine.tumblr.com)
> 
> i hope you enjoyed <3 and happy holidays and a happy new year to everyone who celebrates!


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